Why, God???

from AggieCatholics blog...

• Have you ever felt that God just wasn't interested in your problems?
• Have you ever felt God was distant and unaccessible?
• Have you ever thought maybe God is just a myth, because He just doesn't seem to care?

I have.

I am sure that somewhere in the world right now, there are people that:

• feel alone
• are scared
• are unsure of God's existence and love for them
• can't figure out what God's plan is for them and doubt He even has one
• hurt

Are you one of them? You are not alone. Others have felt the same way. I know I have and I know my sister, Simone, did while she suffered through horrible cancer for five years.

I remember growing up thinking that God would answer my prayers if I prayed hard enough, believed enough, or did enough good things. But, when I messed up, had little faith, or didn't pray that God wouldn't help me. This childish attitude about God's love for me carried into my adult life, which meant my faith stayed small and misunderstood who God really is and how He loves me. My perception of God was warped and this warped perception made it easy to keep God out of my life. But, some people never gave up on me. One of these was my sister, Simone.

Simone never stopped trying to help me know God's love. She always wanted me to experience at a deep and personal level. Even when she got cancer five years ago it didn't stop her from loving others. Even when it disabled her, she never stopped loving.

But, she also felt far from God through it all. She felt dryness and pain in her emotions, spirit, relationships, and her body.

She threw every question she had at the feet of Christ:

• where are you?
• why won' t you take the pain away?
• do you hear me?
• are you even there?
• can't  you make this all stop?
• don't you care?
• do you really love me?
• etc.

My sister, Simone LeJeune, died on November 16.

She knew what it was like to feel distant from God. She also knew what it was like to have God wrap her up in his arms and console her, love her, and heal her.

 read on