TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR VBS IS NOT GOING

By Dave Tippett

10. Your Noah's Ark is pretty much made up of a dog with a wet hacking cough and incontinent cat

9. Church oven, where your Shadrach, Meshach and Abendnego perform suddenly shorts out, catches fire which, ironically, enhances furnace effect

8. Bi-polar puppets keep going off script

7. Joseph's dream coat gets washed with whites, and all angel costumes now a dull red

6. Your Samson tests positive for steroids

5. 40 years in wilderness adventure ruined when Janitor Bob turns on sprinklers early

4. Your burning bush takes out entire neighborhood

3. Biggest draw: "Safari Simon with the Lazy Eye"

2. Neighborhood punks keep tazering your volunteer Pharisees

1. Theme: "God Loves Four Eyes, too"

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